Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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