I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
