chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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