My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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