How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i believe in u and ur pee
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