i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
