Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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