Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i believe in u and ur pee
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
