you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Someone signed my nipple.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
