FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
