my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
