I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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