He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
