i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
