two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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