I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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