Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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