i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
