Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
