my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
