Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
