She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
