Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
