when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
