Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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