I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
