i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
