she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
