This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
no you cant smoke seaweed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
