My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
