we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
