of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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