We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
