508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
