If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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