Can i not drive my cunt home
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I need a burrito and a hug.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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