good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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