They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
