great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
