I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
