mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
