3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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