So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
