After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Drunk is a universal language darling
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
