P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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