since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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