I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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