Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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