we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
