could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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