i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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