you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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