a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
