If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
