She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
