Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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