Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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