Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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