Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
