we have pet lesbian snakes
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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