I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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