what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize