WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
