Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can't put those talents on a resume
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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