My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
