Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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