I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
