I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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