just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
