Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
