I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My balls are so social today.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
