I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
