The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
