honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
